Relationships seem to be one of the number reasons people are not happy. Having counseled and ministered for decades I have heard a lot of relationship stories. Plus I have my own of course.
Here's my take. Many of us were taught that we "needed" another to be "whole". If life is a mirror and we stand in front of it as a "half of a person", what gets reflected back? Half. You are so smart.
Our relationships are a direct reflection of the relationships we are having with Most High and ourselves. God and I are one, so how I treat myself is how I am treating Most High so resident within me. Our view of God becomes vital here. Is your God a loving one or a punishing one? Is your God a he or a she? I have accepted that God is Spirit (genderless). I had a difficult time feeling close to God as father because I was raised by a angry father who expressed violence in the home; therefore I could not love what I feared. When I really accepted God as a loving Spirit or Presence the depth of my spiritual walk increased exponentially.
I keep reading articles on social media or seeing videos that start with finding your lover with all of these outside maneuvers. You decide on what you want, you describe them, and all of that is really good however if you are walking around with an unconscious belief that you are unworthy those exercises may help but until your core is cleared you will be stuck in a pattern of seek and don't find.
My research has taught me that we are in relationships ultimately to heal our childhood woundings. We don't get to see the real agenda of the relationship until about 120 days have passed. I would offer you just two simple practices to begin clearing the field for the love that I believe will feel more satisfying in your life.
1. Forgive your parents or caregivers
2. Forgive yourself.
Notice that I didn't mention forgiving others. Here is why? I believe in the law of attraction and the law of cause and effect. So if we have draw people into our lives, they are our teachers. Some teach us what not to do or be and some the opposite. No matter what they came and acted out for us our state of consciousness at that time. I believe they deserve a thank you note if anything. This is just my take on this and I am not selling anything here, just sharing.
If you take the next 21 days writing down a forgiveness list each morning and night you will be amazed at how much lighter and clearer you will feel and how it will open up blessings and opportunity in your life.
I have an in-depth process on this in my book The Wealth of a Spiritual Woman available on my website: www.shaheerah.com
I believe we are meant to live this life with the enjoyment of others. I like the word companionship. Life is fulfilling when we share it with another. I had it in my mind that life was "more fulfilling" when that companion was the opposite sex and when it was an "intimate" relationship.
My concept of companionship and intimacy has expanded. Intimacy is what I experience when I am with people I trust and those whom I feel safe enough to share my soul. Those who I believe won't judge me or try to fix me. That's intimacy to me. The etymological origin of the word companion means one who you break bread with: com: with; panis : bread . So it's all about who I feel "comfortable" communicating with. First and foremost is how I am communicating to myself on a daily.
We need to practice "self- love" because how we are in relationship with self is expressed in every relationship. People who have the most toxic external relationships exist within a toxic "internal" environment. Their souls are not at rest.
There is only one relationship Beloved. Start with the man or woman in the mirror today.
Fall in love with yourself first and do all the things for yourself that you'd want a partner to do. Practice releasing and forgiving for just 21 days and enjoy the process.
Finding your divine work does not start with filling out an application. It all begins with you discovering or defining your purpose in life. After discovering and defining your purpose it's then about focusing on your purpose and following the divine guidance that will come to assist you in navigating your purpose in the world.
Why are you here? What did you say you wanted to do when you were a child? What do you love to do?
In the 80's a lawyer named Arnold Patent came to Detroit he had been successful financially but he felt bankrupt spiritually. He focused so much on "making money" that his marriage, health and spirit were in shambles. He titled his workshops "Money Mastery" to get us out to his workshops and what he taught was universal principles. He taught us how to uncover our purpose and the importance of being clear about our purpose and that aligned us with the universal flow. I have witnessed many people flow into their purpose through their pain and tapping into their passion. Often our pain births us into our purpose.
Many organizations were birthed because of pain awakened them to a space where they were motivated to make a difference. For instance, Hospice. Out of a loved one's desire to see their loved one die with dignity; Hospice was birthed. We can look at most human service agencies and see how a mission and purpose was birthed out of pain.
What's your pain? Are you choosing to allow your pain to motivate you or are you choosing to allow your pain to keep you imprisoned within your own mind? Perhaps you are in this particular valley for a particular reason? Use your pain as a stepping stone. Hook into your passion. What do you love doing?
Brainstorm. Get a pen and pad and just write whatever comes up. Writing crystallizes thought and thought produces action!
Arnold shared a simple exercise with us to assist us in getting clear around our purpose and getting it written down on paper. Writing is a very powerful tool. When we write our desires down it's like a form of focused prayer. This exercise might seem elementary and it is and it is also very effective.
1. Write down 3 positive qualities about yourself (use adjectives). If you find this difficult to do; ask a friend to give you 3 adjectives that describe you.
2. Write down 3 ways you like to express those qualities or 3 things you love "to do". (This is an action like writing, singing, painting , whatever makes your heart sing)
3. What are 3 adjectives that describe your ideal world?
After deriving the answer to these 3 questions, combine your answers and create a paragraph like the following. This was my paragraph from 1995
To utilize my ability to (from #1) inspire, motivate and heal through (from #2) writing, lecturing, and singing. Everyone, including me experiences (#3) unconditional love, abundance and freedom.
Write your paragraph on several index cards. Put these cards where you can see them often, i.e. dashboard of your car, your desk, kitchen , bathroom or wherever you are guided to put them.
What we focus on expands. The more you focus on your purpose the more opportunity will open up for you to express your purpose.
You see when you get in touch with your true purpose you have basically aligned yourself with a natural flow that has already been set up for you. Maybe initially there won't be a lot of money involved. The money will come. Hone your craft or your skill. Put love into whatever you do and you will always be blessed even if it is not from the person or place where you are serving or giving. We do nothing in a vacuum. Whatever we do we are giving unto ourselves because we are ONE.
So you get clear on your purpose and start right where you are; give yourself away. I have seen many people go for the money. When it is all about the money it shows and it doesn't "feel" good because w e are reduced to a commodity that doesn't feel good.
Your purpose is the answer to the question. What makes your heart sing? What are you passionate about? Can you see yourself surrounded by the circumstances that you desire?
Take a deep breathe now and affirm aloud or silently..
"I see myself surrounded by the circumstances that I truly desire."
"I am an idea in the mind of God. My so work is to "realize" and recognize what I already am, and expression of Most High God. This is my practice , this is a process and even though work is never done I see progress and improvement continuously. I am grateful. I am living in a mindset of expectancy. I am feeling the feeling now that I will feel when I see my desires in this physical realm."