Relationships seem to be one of the number reasons people are not happy. Having counseled and ministered for decades I have heard a lot of relationship stories. Plus I have my own of course.
Here's my take. Many of us were taught that we "needed" another to be "whole". If life is a mirror and we stand in front of it as a "half of a person", what gets reflected back? Half. You are so smart.
Our relationships are a direct reflection of the relationships we are having with Most High and ourselves. God and I are one, so how I treat myself is how I am treating Most High so resident within me. Our view of God becomes vital here. Is your God a loving one or a punishing one? Is your God a he or a she? I have accepted that God is Spirit (genderless). I had a difficult time feeling close to God as father because I was raised by a angry father who expressed violence in the home; therefore I could not love what I feared. When I really accepted God as a loving Spirit or Presence the depth of my spiritual walk increased exponentially.
I keep reading articles on social media or seeing videos that start with finding your lover with all of these outside maneuvers. You decide on what you want, you describe them, and all of that is really good however if you are walking around with an unconscious belief that you are unworthy those exercises may help but until your core is cleared you will be stuck in a pattern of seek and don't find.
My research has taught me that we are in relationships ultimately to heal our childhood woundings. We don't get to see the real agenda of the relationship until about 120 days have passed. I would offer you just two simple practices to begin clearing the field for the love that I believe will feel more satisfying in your life.
1. Forgive your parents or caregivers
2. Forgive yourself.
Notice that I didn't mention forgiving others. Here is why? I believe in the law of attraction and the law of cause and effect. So if we have draw people into our lives, they are our teachers. Some teach us what not to do or be and some the opposite. No matter what they came and acted out for us our state of consciousness at that time. I believe they deserve a thank you note if anything. This is just my take on this and I am not selling anything here, just sharing.
If you take the next 21 days writing down a forgiveness list each morning and night you will be amazed at how much lighter and clearer you will feel and how it will open up blessings and opportunity in your life.
I have an in-depth process on this in my book The Wealth of a Spiritual Woman available on my website: www.shaheerah.com
I believe we are meant to live this life with the enjoyment of others. I like the word companionship. Life is fulfilling when we share it with another. I had it in my mind that life was "more fulfilling" when that companion was the opposite sex and when it was an "intimate" relationship.
My concept of companionship and intimacy has expanded. Intimacy is what I experience when I am with people I trust and those whom I feel safe enough to share my soul. Those who I believe won't judge me or try to fix me. That's intimacy to me. The etymological origin of the word companion means one who you break bread with: com: with; panis : bread . So it's all about who I feel "comfortable" communicating with. First and foremost is how I am communicating to myself on a daily.
We need to practice "self- love" because how we are in relationship with self is expressed in every relationship. People who have the most toxic external relationships exist within a toxic "internal" environment. Their souls are not at rest.
There is only one relationship Beloved. Start with the man or woman in the mirror today.
Fall in love with yourself first and do all the things for yourself that you'd want a partner to do. Practice releasing and forgiving for just 21 days and enjoy the process.